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tv   At Midnight  Comedy Central  March 28, 2014 2:00am-2:31am PDT

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>> s that that's it for the report, everybody good
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night. >> it's 11:59 and 59 seconds. it that happened on youtube today. former child star and only living cory cory feldman officially released a new video. not a direct video, video, but a music video from his upcoming album "angelic to the core." the video features this awkward opening "i love lucy" sketch to keep it current, and cory busting moves, and i'm not 100% sure what's going on. we're not sensing any irony whatsoever in this video. cory felt feld man was in grem lips. remember we loved him in gremlins. ( cheers and applause ). remember? and then they fed him "@midnight," and then this
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happened. this song is called "duh" which apparently we are told stands for done under halo which has a meaning we have not yet arrived upon. it's locked in cory's head. won't you tell us your secrets cory feldman! and then take us to see a body in the woods. ( laughter ) ( applause ) guys, this is the name of the sock. we would look you to come up with a better acronym title. megan neuringer go. >> you have to listen to the whole song and really hear his voice but it's ischtbs, which means i should have cleared my throat before singing. >> absolute, if you listen to the song that will make more sense. ben kronberg. >> i like the word duh, but i thawnt doesn't understand halos. halos. ( applause ) >> he doesn't understand halo--
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greg proops. >> i went german on this one and said ( speaking german ) >> excellent, it's time to begin "@midnight." captioning sponsored by comedy central welcome to "@midnight." i'm chris hardwick. tonight's comedians are from the film "how to be a man" megan neuringer. ( cheers and applause ) welcome back to the program, megan neuringer. >> thank you. >> hosting "days on green" in denver april 19, it's ben kronberg. ( cheers and applause ) i very much enjoy the denver comdean scene. it is an excellent comedy scene. >> i enjoy it as well. it's really nice now that there's-- like you can't not buy weed there. >> right. >> you have to buy weed..
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>> hosting the smartest map in the world podcast, greg proops. ( cheers and applause ) come on! proopsy we've been friends a long time but this is a dream for me watching the original show who gave out points "whose line is it anyway?." i'm thrilled to have you here. >> it's exciting to do improv again. >> ripped from today's internet headlines, it's "rapid refresh." ( cheers and applause ). i know you guys are very excited about this. "noah" starring russell crowe hit theaters this weekend. ( cheers ) like a massive flood into theaters and our lives. ( laughter ) the new orleans-- don't ooh me! you come into my house!
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the new orleans saints q.b. drew brees and his wife were very excited and they did a little biblical play. they're like the in the yupiest minimall. we need you to take two of every lexus and volvo. we have some videos of other fans dressed up as animals coming on to the ark? oooh! going on to the ark. furry university. >> are those feshies. >> no, ferbies is a creepee. >> sorry, it's not my fetish. it's not my fetish. >> ferby is a creepy little toy that freaks you out in the middle of the night.
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>> what do they call the people who wear the costumes-- that's a lot of sweaty social intercourse. my glasses would steam up underneath the wolf head. ( laughter ) >> i'll give 100 points to greg proops. for the comment section of this trailer on youtube has a ton of-- let's call them angry christians who don't like the fact the movie deviates from the version in the bible. because it's a movie. ( laughter ) which of the following is a real youtube comment? a, it pror trays noah as having hallucinations and not actually speaking with god. how dare they! b, the arc was 300 cubeits but the movie says it's 400 cubeits. how gay is that? ( laughter ) c, the movie doesn't show noah bringing dean sores on to the ark. i know they can make cgi dinosaurs because i saw
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"jurassic park." ben kronberg. >> a. >> the correct answer is a. that is the real youtube comment, yes. have you seen "noah?" >> no, but i'm pretty familiar with the story. ( laughter ) i'm just surprised that people who believe in this have computers and stuff. ( laughter ) >> all right, guys, guys, the walking dead season finale is this sunday night. ( cheers and applause ). which-- ( applause ) will leave many people with one extra hour in their week and some of us with one less job. i don't want to give anything away, but oh, my god when darrell dies in this episode this week-- >> what! >> oh, no! i haven't seen it yet. if he dies dies are people going to be really ( bleep )? according to the web site dock
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street brewing company is make a walking dead beer in honor of the finale with malty wheat cranberries and what special ingredient. blood sausage. human afterbirth. smoked goats brains? megan neuringer? >> smoked goat brains? >> yes, the correct answer is smoked goat brains. comediennes, please give us your first tweet are trying cranberry and goat brain beer? >> gross who would put cranberries in beer? >> points! i like it! ( applause ) who would do that? >> come on! >> now it's time to play helping hands-- no. it's actually tonight's #hashtagwars. #hashtagwars. ( cheers and applause ) as i mentioned the philadelphia brewery is making beer using goat brains in honor of the walking dead because you know
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walking dead has all the goat brains on it. with that in mind, tonight's #is bad booze. examples might be lower manhattans or slippery superfluous nipples or miller vietnam draft. i'll put 60 sobtdz clock. >> hiv-positive bloody marys. ( applause ) >> the crowd is supporting it. i will give it points. ben. >> mint juleps. >> greg proops, can you please complete the trifecta. >> sure pops schmear. >> well done. a delicious cherry on top for points.
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megan neuringer. >> this is going to really divide people, but shirley temple grave juice. >> hey, hey hey! you didn't know her! ben. >> long island iced tea. >> i see your schloflrks g iced tea. and i'll see pina colonic. >> points. ♪ ♪ hiv bloody mary ♪ ♪. >> are you singing the song with all the submissions from the game? >> that is the idea. >> that is it for #hashtagwars.
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tag @midnight to keep the game going.
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( cheers and applause ) >> welcome back to "@midnight." it is time to play jumbotron dance-off. crowds are super jumbo fired up for march madness. i'm going to show you a short
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clip of a fan dancing and your job is to name that canc. we have an impromptu dance-off between th young pistons fan and an usher. ( applause ) highway didhow did it end? megan neuringer. >> that time we briefly forgot that we lived in detroit. ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> damn! points! when you play bon jovi on the east coast you know it's going to be a winner, so check this kid out ♪ we gotta hold on to what we got ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> megan neuringer. >> the living on a prayer that i will one day have sex.
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>> well, if you look really closely he's about to ( bleep ) that pole right there. >> that's not consensual. >> it's not consensual. >> it doesn't count! >> oh, my god! next. >> how about a little belly dance action guys? here's a little belly dance. >> the un-( bleep )-able white guy? >> i'm give you points but i beg to differ, there are plenty of places to stick it in there. all right, that is the end of jumbotron dance-off. i know i'm sad to see it go. man, this show needs a jumbotron dance-off. #hashtagwars. i think i just threw my dick out
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out. out. >> ladies and gentlemen, is there a very small doctor in the house? ( laughter ) ( applause ) >> 100 points to greg proops. it's time for our next game, event or invented? ( cheers and applause ) i'm going to give you the names of two events and you have to guess which one is the actual event we found on social media. the first woon jewellishish festival or oy vey, the man who put the he in hebrew. >> i'm going to say oi gay, exclamation point. >> the correct answer is jewellishish festival.
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>> what happened? >> >> if you're wondering what the jewish festival is, it's something that uses way too many hashtags. >> i must have forgot to blow out my menorah because when i woke up i was covered in beatches. what circumcises that font? >> 100 points to greg and 100 points to ben. well, on that note, the next one is either how to give a world-class b.j. or five-finger discount, the art ofitant rick masturbation. ben kronberg. >> that one? >> you think it's tantrick masturbation. let's mind out. how to give a world-class b.j. >> yuck yuck. >> on behalf of guys ladies, this does not equal world class. >> what is that?
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>> how do they know it's world class and not just like you know argentina good? ( applause ) >> points. all right guys that is the end of event or invented and it's time for our first live challenge, snap cat. we put out the call for you on to send your weirdest selfie for a game and we used a greatest one on tuesday, #hamburger tips. there has been one photo we are obsessed with. it's this fat cat supervising picture, at the top of reddit and imaginer for the past few days. he's sitting there supervising some type of construction site we think. comedians i would like you to snap chat this amazing picture by captioning it on our break.
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( cheers and applause ) >> welcome back to "@midnight." before the break i showed thu picture of an obese cat that has been at the top of reddit. i ask you to snap chattify it by crawg on it and give it a caption. >> i can have no more overtime this week are, guys. quit with the lulls and get back to work. ( cheers and applause ) >> ben kronberg. >> ( laughter )
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( cheers ) >> i have to give 1,000 points to ben kronberg, and 500 to megan neuringer. i feel like i didn't win that one. it is time for crash at my place. you can turn any apartment into an illegal hotel room. don't believe me? here's a real listing. >> whoa! that's maybe not a room you want to see under a black light. >> or that's all you want to
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see. a connoisseur. >> i want you to give me listings that no sane person would respond to. i'll put 60 seconds on the clock. >> fresh sheets and ( bleep ). >> points! ben. >> b & b d& b. >> not a hostel. just full of random scandinavians. >> points! megan. >> this bed will cripple you. >> points. greg proops. >> crack house adjacent. ( laughter ) plaiz( applause ) >> points for greg proops. ben kronberg. >> private room with tv that only has static and never shuts off. >> yeah. yeah, points. megan. >> it's not a halfway house. it's a half we home.
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>> points. proops. >> former palace of the king of the pig people. >> points! and that is the-- points, yes and that that brings us to the end of "crash at my place." oh, my god, that was so close. ben, you were just in third place by 50 points. i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry. it's so hard to see it happen like that when it's so close. where are you going? >> hokeypokey. that's what it's all about. hot dogs. hot dog. >> do you have any last words? >> if my last words could be a fart? >> sure. okay. do you want us to wait while you try to squeeze one out? >> hold on. >> now you're trapped in the red light with your own fart.
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it's time for for the win! so, this picture was rightfully trending on imaginer all this week. now just really take in a minute to see what's going on here. this is a man who clearly puts his bros at exactly the same priority as his 'hoes. i got you, buddy. comediennes, during the break i would like you to write the craigslist post that got these three people together. we will name a winner when we come back on "@midnight."
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♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> welcome back to "@midnight." it's the moment we've been waiting for. it's time for for the win. i'm going to wipe your scores clean. wipe, wipe, wipe. it all comes down to this head to head challenge. before i break, i showed thu picture that was trending on imager all week of a really awkward ad. let's see what you wrote. curious couple seeks life-like rubber boy doll to hold while we get freaky.
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( cheers and applause ) or dead male seeks horny male for bad three-way. no cory feldman. ( cheers and applause ) who was number two? megan neuringer. three times on the show you have finally emerged the victor. please come back. i adore you. we'll see you monday night. until then, keep the game going on twitter by tweeting @midnight. good night! - what's it like to get divorced? - oh, no. - this is about committing to the standard that you set. "even if i beg for help, don't let me out." - what are you doing? - i'm divorcing you. it's the end of our marriage. why are you sleeping in my office? - you pay me in college credits. can you turn off the light?
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